April, and now coming into May, it has felt like I am reaching for something that isn’t there. Maybe it doesn’t even exist.
My confidence is shot. You know that feeling, don’t you? At times it feels like I’m sinking to the bottom of the ocean and reaching out for that light that is the surface. Instead of water there’s a mixture of the things that are going wrong, the terrible things about me and my life that aren’t just right. Hurtling towards me are schools of creative ideas. But I’m swimming, (my God, am I swimming) to get to the surface.
But I’m swimming, (my God, am I swimming) to get to the surface. And occasionally I grab a hold of one of those ideas and swim with it.
April brought some great highs for me. A story I wrote as an assessment piece was chosen as Student Prose of the Month. I’ve had some strong inspiration to write poems. I’ve got ideas for short stories and films to keep me occupied for years. I entered two poems into a contest and a short story in another.
There are currents of inspiration flowing, but I don’t seem to be able to hitch a ride to where they end up. It’s a struggle at times, but I think, perhaps, that is part of the process.